MePhone 2017

Sup, guys. So 2016 is well and truly over, its time to talk New Years resolutions. A lot of people say that they don’t believe in them but I think that we all went

Let me explain, after 365 days of living and loving, we are bound to reflect and realize that some shit has got to change. Change is necessary for growth, it’s like Steve Jobs (may his soul RIP) said in his Stanford commencement speech, we can’t look forward to make sense of life but can only look to our past to guide our future. So I’ve had time while clearing free on a beach,to ponder the last year I’ve had and have decided to change a few things and leave some firmly in 2016…

Things that I learnt:
1. You can’t make someone like you i.e. Persuasion is not attraction.
2. There no bounds to the love you can give yourself. Don’t accept second rate love, also just be proud of yourself, cause like I said before if you happy with yourself then you don’t anyone else’s affirmation.
3. You can’t make anyone happy, it’s their choice all you can do is be secure in who and what you are.

Things that need to change:
1. I always believed “treat people the way you want to be treated…” and 2016 has taught that’s not always the case, you can be as genuinely nice as Winnie the fucking pooh, but if people don’t want to be as nice as you they won’t. So no more Miss Nice Girly, in 2017. #NiceForWhat
2. Stop hesitating and take more risks, stop worrying about failing and just take the shot cause at the end of the match, it will still count as a shot on target.
3. Maybe learn to cook at least one curry….just in case Rio Ferdinand needs to impressed by my ethnicity.
4. Let it go, just like James Bay sings let it go, leave all the broken pieces to the breeze…leave all the resentment, the second guessing and fractured emotions in 2016.

Aside, from working on my intrinsic factors to grow, there are extrinsic factors that influence your growth like the people in and around you.For instance, the Pepsi uncle who didn’t believe in the Macintosh, and subsequently ousted Steve jobs from apple circa 1984, bitches like that have to get a red card from your life with a lifetime ban, with no appeal. The need to be added to the somebody’s that I used to know folder in your brain.

My somebody that I used to know folder reads like this, things that need to be left in 2016

1. All the now popular term Fuckboys, the ones who only like you skin bearing insta photos, the males who like your ass but not your assets, those idiots who call you hot and not pretty, oh and that not because they lack the vocab they really just like your body and could care less if your discover plutonium
2. The Tywin Lannisters, who despite all your efforts to uplift their existence they still don’t care for your existence, those people who you could give 9 realms and 7 kingdoms too, but all they want is a small rock from the shadowlands beyond Ayrshire. No more being a crutch for anyone
3. Haters, naturally.

So I’m excited for 2017, breaking some habits will be hard but change comes with getting older. It’s the year, to be selfish with your mental space, with your heart and time. Life is too short to settle for less than you deserve. Just keep your head down and be patient with your goals…


Anyways, love you,bye😘


Excuse me, while I dismount from my high horse


So my last 3 posts sounded like a Taylor swift song, if it were written by maleficent, on her period. I make no apologies for my reductive reasoning on men of the 21st century. But maybe I should explain my bitchitis…

So yeah admittedly I’ve met a couple of douches along my way, who only wanted to ransack my Calvin Kliens, which I know is a tale as old as time but that was not the reason for my Adele-album sized melt-downed. Actually, I was really pissed how guys just start things with you and then decide, they’re going to lose you just like a Lego piece that you will find 20 years later under your sofa.

I was pissed about their assumptions and how if they truly said what they felt and wanted then I don’t know I would die or turn into a white walker, recently a friend said to me “when you assume, you make an ass out’ve you and me…” and that is basically as legit as Kris Jenner’s Berkin collection.

If you after a couple of texts, one or two chance encounters presume to know a person, then you deserve a Paul Scholes free-kick to the back of your head. Not all girls are going to knot their panties and through a hissy fit if you came at her like genuwine. I mean if you don’t like me, then you don’t. There isn’t anything in all the universes that I can do to make you change how you feel but at the same time, you don’t have to be an ass about it. All you have to do is be real, like Kanye west and tell it like it is.

“Words left unspoken, left us so brittle…” -Depeche Mode, “Precious”.

Pretty much sums up all the problems in this world, having to not express what you truly feel is like being trapped, and usually is why passive aggression is so popular. All the shade throwing and subtweets out of fear of the recipients reaction is usually the “why” people don’t say and do exactly what they feel. If you think about it, avoiding the problem is basically like passing a level of game, forgetting that eventually you going to get to the boss-level. There is always a boss-level, ignoring that fact doesn’t make it disappear.


Also, you haven’t met all of the homosapiens on this planet, you haven’t assimilated their personas to assume that they will react negatively to your openness and transparency. Your honesty, admittedly would hurt but I’m 90% sure it won’t kill you or me, I mean after you have heart surgery or any surgery for that matter, it hurts but it didn’t kill you and if you can survive those odds, I doubt some words of truth will end mine or your existence.

In saying all of that, let me jump of this horse and say, everyone can’t be like me(i.e. honesty is the best policy & all…)and if all you want to do is go through life thinking that by not saying or doing anything will not hurt people, then that’s your choice. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how many spirited blog posts I write, it won’t inspire you change who and what you are, as long when you lay your head on that pillow tonight, you are happy with who you are.

Anyways, love you, bye😘

Douche Dicks Academy, Enrolling Now….

Good Evening, fair ladies and jerks! So lately I’ve been posting about all the fucked shit boys tend to do to me and other females, it got my gears turning…

If you’re a girl after reading that one sentence I know, your mind has already started listing the messed up things that have happened to you all by the hands of those penis having pleabeants. Like mine has already listed lies, cheating, pretending I don’t exist, bad at remembering game of thrones characters, snarling comments when I know more about soccer than he does, poorly tailored pants, briefs instead cotton boxers, the list is never ending as I’m sure you know.


It got me thinking, there must be a reason for this dishonorable tendencies, like as a fairly smart girl I’m aware that some behaviors are either Innate behavior(which are instinctual and genetic) or learned behavior( that is behavior that must be directly taught or learned from experience). Having studied anatomy, physiology and psychology somehow I don’t remember any of those lectures explaining the innate ability of lying, cheating and manipulating. So those are definitely learned behaviors.

Learned behaviors are usually learned from parents, teachers and alike. Since I like my life, I would never point the finger on anyone’s parents so where then do they learn such behaviors?

I mean is there a Douchebag Express at platform 69 and 3/4 transporting theses douches to a mystical castle where they teach them how to lie, cheat and manipulate without thinking about the consequences of their actions, wait that sounds more like assassins maybe they met the Ras al ghoul of playerism and he teaches them how to assassinate my panties and it’s contents or they worship the many panty god, whose kind of like the many faced god but instead accepting human sacrifice as form of worship, this god likes to collect the panties of their victims.


Cause you must go through some stringent training, to lie like it was drilled into you as if it were your timetables, cheat like you were being paid to do so and manipulate like your life depended on it.

Now I’m well aware that I sound like a bitter sour bitch, I mean if I was guy reading it I wouldn’t disagree but don’t take it personally or do I don’t care, but honestly what gives you the B-A-L-L-S to treat people in this manner?

I’m no saint, we all know that through my incessant perving over Rio Ferdinand, but it perplexes me how someone can hurt you using the above mentioned methods and have no remorse.You son, must be born without an anterior insula cortex, the part of the brain that processes empathy, cause only someone who lacks empathy would be fine and dandy with hurting someone. And if you were going to lack empathy, try using that super power for something better than being a talented mr fuckboy.

Maybe I’m just like overly sensitive, and like REM says everybody hurts, but why would you, in your short existence on earth, want to be the reason that someone hurts. Cause having a little bit of decency and morals never landed anyone on a crucifix except Uncle Jesus, and like I’ve told you before no one is ever going to accuse of being him.


Anyways, love you, bye😘

He/She Died Replying To Your Text

Sup, nerds! So I’ve been thinking yes overthinking about all the texts that I’ve sent and never gotten a reply, I’m like 500 000 % sure that we all have sometime or the other never gotten a reply, since like texting is the most common means of communication in the 21st century.

What is texting? It is a short and instant form of communication. Texting connects homosapiens. For me personally, I prefer texting mostly cause I suck at verbally expressing myself. Through texting we are able to converse with people all across this planet without having to pay exorbitant telephone bills, we are able to build and foster relationships when we cannot be close to those we love and like. My thinking is texting is a form of conversation and in a conversation you speak, I listen and comprehend and then I reply. So why isn’t normal conversational etiquette not necessary when texting?

I mean, for days nay for months I’ve been thinking of possible reasons to avoid replying to text messages, and I’ve come up with some theories, using my popcorn psychology

Theory 1: You receive a mass text or broadcast message about a sale, or some internet gimmick etc.
Reason not to reply, it’s kind of a PSA and not really a intimate setting in which a reply is warranted.

Theory 2: It’s a text from a random wrong number
Reason not to reply, that could be some kind of terrorist shiz, and you’re too young & beautiful to be a suicide bomber.

Theory 3: It’s a text from a person, you’ve kind of sort of maybe something with
Reason/s not to reply:
(a) You are genuinely busy AF & when I say busy AF, I mean you are defending the planet from Loki, Frost Giants or The damn Chitari or disarming a nuclear bomb cause really it would literally take you a millisecond to say “busy”, no need to be like “boo, I’m busy text later” a simple “busy” would get straight to it💁


(b)You genuinely don’t like this person, you were mildly amused by their existence for a time and then you decided you don’t like them but you’re a spineless little drain rat with not a shred of honour or balls to tell that person that you don’t like them and also you find a sick comfort in leaving that door slightly open cause you know that as long you don’t completely come of it and say nothing will come of this thing, you stand a 0,5% chance of at least a booty call situation. Even it’s a casual thing, a reply wouldn’t kill you unless….🤔

(c) YOU WILL LITERALLY DIE, if you reply! Like for reals, Ultron tapped your mobile and if you text that person back, he will kill you not badly injure you, like literally 6-feet under being chewed on by maggots and like dead! ☠️

Haha, writing this was so much fun😂and like in my opinion, unsolicited of course, we should always strive to be honest, I mean honesty only ever killed a few people, amongst those was Jesus and please after all the dick/booty pic’s that half you lot exchange, not one person would ever relate you to the likes of him. But if you have any theories, share them with me🙌


Anyways, love you, bye😘